another 5am train ride to the airport... i haven't slept at all. as soon as i'm on the airplane seat and i put my seatbelt on, i'm closing my eyes and going straight to sleep. i got sick before going back, i think it might've been a sign. but i don't know. i know i'll come back in three weeks. but i'm afraid still. and at the same time too sick to care. i walked past a billboard today. it said something like of the heart? i'm not sure. but it touched me and i miss it. i need to go back home if anything just to avoid the snow. i hope he understands. i wonder how your life is now, but it truly does not concern me and i’m better off not knowing better off not knowing but i still wonder i admit late at night even early in the morning.

i had a dream last night about the end of the world. it was a deception. i didn't really know what was happening. when i looked back, you were reaching for my hand.. but i guess i'll tell you the complete-dream some other time, when its infinite. you know,i was thinking about last year the other day, and how that was the first time i had ever seen you in the sun. it meant more to me than you imagine. but i never see you anymore. either way i should know better than to trust you. we are always letting people go, after all. internal digital dictionary. you predict me before i even know myself. never ending music. a voice that never shuts down. friday and i'm here i'm here. are you here alone? do you still think of me? sometimes, i don't care. most of the time..i really hope you do.