another 5am train ride to the airport. i haven't slept in days. as soon as i'm on the airplane seat and i put my seatbelt on, i'm closing my eyes and going straight to sleep. i won't have the strength to wait for take off. i got sick this past week, too. and i think it might've been a sign. i'll come back in three weeks but i'm afraid still. i'm afraid of you forgetting about me. i fear not being one with you. do you remember the photograph we found on the floor that showed us we could be in love and it would be okay? i never really did get it out of my head. i wonder how your life is now, but it truly does not concern me and i’m better off not knowing. better off not knowing. but i still wonder, i'll admit that. late at night even early in the morning. i think about it all the time. it gets me out of bed some days. but revenge has never been my drink of choice. it's never been for me.

i had a dream last night about the end of the world. it was a deception. i didn't really know what was happening. when i looked back, you were reaching for my hand. but i guess i'll tell you the complete-dream some other time, when it has a chance at being infinite. you know, i was thinking about last year the other day, and how that was the first time i had ever seen you in the sun.it meant more to me than you imagine. but i never see you anymore. either way i should know better than to trust you. we are always letting people go, after all. right? internal digital dictionary. you predict me before i even know myself. never ending music. a voice that never shuts down. friday and i'm here, i am. are you here alone? do you still think of me? sometimes, i don't care. most of the time.. i really hope you do. i do.