rewatching old media . ignoring a responsibility. media media media media media . it's like a piano, and old distance. are you here with a friend? last night, i saw your humanity. i wanted to go to the window and scream it . downstairs, the sushi place. the far away train . the day before i left . a phone call over seas . november. are you here alone? bakery walking walking i never saw this before and i leave soon . soon soon . are you line? are you in line? excuse me are you in line? no i'm not and now what . now what . the museum is free tomorrow if you wanna check it out. a rabbit hops over your heart . i'm sorry for not lettting you see me . awake regret touch cry music sleep and sleep again . breakfast at eightpm and no there is no one else to blame . there is no one else to blame
Feb / 2004
another day without sun... i want to skip through the seasons and just land permanently in summer and spring. on the way to the station today, i realized i have the strawberry gum in my left pocket. already with me before you even ask. i couldn't remember when i stopped to buy it or when i began to care for you this much... i don't think i'll ever tell you this but these days all i want is to make you happy. it's become important to me... like i now have a new responsibility. especially since i've discarded the importance of my own. even when i'm walking back home and have other things on my mind, i wonder if you had fun with me today. on a loop almost. i think about how i could've made it better. said 'yes' more and 'no' a little less... i don't know anything just to keep you smiling. let you misbehave even if just for a second, to make you feel happy for having power over me and having things go your way. i want all your energy to go to smiling and laughing, even though i know someday you'll forget me... but i remember myself when i was your age and i feel hopeful for the future somehow. i hope everything i have now never ends. except maybe for the cold. i'm over it.
interferance / 2004
it's been a year since i met you but i still miss you. honest. lego houses and marbles. carpet floors and a balloon for me a balloon for you. entrance. take off shoes and hang your sweater. an imaginary world, you created it and let me inside. this morning when i woke up, i saw a notification on my phone but it disappeared almost instantly. it said something like 'never wanted to leave. never wanted to leave but don't confuse that with mistake.' i saw that somewhere else once but i can't remember where. and i thought about it the entire bus ride on the way to work. both memories old past and recent past. i heard a knock on my door this morning but i told them i was sick. impeding an entrance. and maybe they'll come back tomorrow. i dont know. maybe not until next week.
maybe tomorrow. tickets to the aquarium holding the rabbit. don't run when the red light is on your face.
back home / collection of memories from twenty years ago / 2004, 2024