kidskin. foulmouthed. diazepam. it's hard to pinpoint where it all started... these days i cant concentrate at all. i just go to class so i wont be marked absent. we only get like four a sem. i don't feel passion. i haven't cooked in god knows how long. i mean, i make these tiny simple meals. they're whatever it's just for the sake of eating something so i don't die or atleast don't begin to. but between me and you... i feel i've already started to decompose. like i'm levels ahead of whatever i'm afraid. it's already gotten me. well i've been here for a while now... a little over six months. time just goes by so fast. i have this long container to arrange my pills by day, as perscribed by my doctor and i have to take them without miss. i guess something bad will happen if i don't... i walked down a new street three days ago and i found a book about missed personal connections. i wish i had brought it with me but i just left it where i saw it. i don't wanna do anything anymore. i went last week and saw a black cat by a stream. it back at me... i can't get out of my apartment the majority of these days... on the days where i begin to worry, i check online for things to do from my bed. and today i found out that this theater a few miles away is playing donnie darko. i bought the ticket on an impulse. if i cant get out for my own sake then hopefully my money being put down will push me. but it makes no sense anyway. living here is already costing everyone a fortune. and i can't even get out of bed. i promise i'm not ungrateful. this is all i've ever wanted but something is happening to me and anyway i should get ready.